Triggers, Judgments, and Projections- How to Really Resolve Them
It begins with being upset, feeling as if someone did you wrong, stabbed you in the back, disrespected you, and even lied. Righteous anger sets in. How could they….., I don’t deserve this sh_t! How dare they……, they have no right to….., and they really hurt me. Sound familiar?
It certainly is to me. I recall feeling like a horrible victim when a single parent and teacher turned an entire school against me and my young son. I had every right to fight back, defend myself and my young, spirited, and innocent child. After being their key fundraiser for 3 years in a row, sitting on the board, and being the room parent, I was shocked at how quickly they turned against my family. No one stood up for us, no one put their foot down and said “This craziness must stop.” I felt alone and very hurt and angry. Continuing to run the story through my head, how they did me wrong, how they were unfair and dishonest wasn’t serving me moving forward. It wasn’t modeling a healthy response to my son. The Kosmos had other plans for us, and as I surrendered and dealt with the pain and triggers that arose, other incredible possibilities opened for me, it was like magic. So I began to learn more tools with which to resolve those triggers and one such modality I’m going to share with you today.
Triggers can have a huge impact on all of our relationships, as well as our health. I have learned over the years many skills to work through triggers, judgements, and projections so that my mind and body quickly find peace and move beyond that which was once a pain-point. I’d like to share them with you so you can avoid and address the pain these cause.
I love the work of Byron Katie, known as The Work. This is a basic set of questions that help lead you away from suffering, into sweet surrender and freedom.
Whenever you find yourself pointing fingers at someone, judging them, or feeling angry, sad, irritated, jealous, or frustrated use these questions to help you resolve your deeper wounds and move beyond that which is causing you pain. The best revenge is deep peace and freedom, trust me.
Begin by writing down your grievance. Why are you really upset? What are your stressful thoughts?
- Ask yourself “Is it true?” And by this can you prove that the thought you wrote down is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, 100% true? Sit in stillness and contemplate this. Be honest with yourself.
- Next, ask yourself “Can you absolutely know for certain that it’s true?” This leads you deeper into yourself, beyond what you once thought you knew to be true to a truth that my surprise you as well as set you free.
- Next, ask yourself “How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?” This illuminates your internal cause and effect. You begin to notice how your “beliefs”, which are learned and not always true, are influencing how you think and feel about yourself, others, and the world around you. What do you actually feel? How do you treat yourself and the person or situation, to which you wrote about, when you believe that thought? Make a list of these, be specific in order to really dial it in and go deep.
- Finally, ask yourself “Who would you be without that thought?” I like to imagine the situation or person you wrote about up top, place myself in their presence, without believing that thought. How do I feel? How would my life be different if I didn’t have that thought or stress? Which state of being do you prefer? Which feels better to you, more peaceful, freer?
Byron Katie’s last practice is The TurnAround. This offers you the opportunity to both identify your shadow projection that you put onto others, and to experience the opposite of your belief. Ask yourself “Is the opposite of my original stressful thought as true, or truer than that judgment?”
I’ll use one of my son’s as an example:
Original thought: Jordan doesn’t listen to me.
Turn it around to myself: I don’t listen to me.
Turn it around toward him: I don’t listen to Jordan.
Turn it to the opposite of the original thought: Jordan does listen to me.
You can download Byron Katie’s The Work, Free Worksheet here: http://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/
The next time you’re triggered use these questions to get you unstuck and back into your higher self, feeling peaceful and free.
Blessings of Vibrant Health,
Kristin Grayce McGary
Health & Lifestyle Alchemist